Unreasonable Hospitality

The phrase “unreasonable hospitality” was coined by a restaurateur who wrote a book of the same title*. At one point he owned the number one restaurant in the world located in New York City. This is not a book report; I will only roughly paraphrase a few of the points made by this entrepreneur, author, and chef to underline some of my thoughts on the subject.

Interestingly enough, being the best restaurant in the world is not about the food. Many places can make great food. Rather, the focus is how you make your customers feel, going above and beyond, and exceeding expectations. It means thinking out-of-the-box, going the second mile, creating an atmosphere of genuine service.

This idea of unreasonable hospitality is found throughout the Bible. Think of killing the fatted calf for a stranger traveling through: giving of your best to someone you do not know and may never meet again; think of the widow’s last cruse of oil given to a prophet; think of five loaves and two fishes feeding 5000 people. This is the very embodiment of unreasonable hospitality.

The author of this book I mentioned states that hospitality is a muscle that must be exercised. Hospitality can be learned. Sure, some people by virtue of their temperament or personality are probably more given to hospitality, just like all human differences in life. But he makes it clear that hospitality, even unreasonable hospitality, is within everyone's grasp no matter what.

It's interesting how we as a culture are probably known for our social get togethers centered around food. We should be the very epitome of hospitality. However, at times, it seems like it's based on reciprocity. Someone invited us over, let's invite them over. Or perhaps we focus on family or close friends. This is reasonable.

But what about when we don't really have the space; perhaps our furniture is lacking or threadbare; or we're just starting out, trying to make ends meet. We have this image in our minds of the perfect meal we must serve, or how clean the house must be, or the space required.

How about instead we get unreasonable. Despite all these apparent shortcomings, presuppositions, and personal standards, we simply open our homes in creative, unabashed, and unapologetic ways. If all we can afford is wieners and beans, then do wieners and beans and serve it with love and no apologies. If we don’t have the space, then perhaps wait until the weather is nice and sit outside. Or simply crowd inside, sit on the floor, and laugh about it.

What about when we don't know the people well, have never connected, or perhaps there is an outsider or visitor in our midst. As one of my favorite poets writes:

"...may it open up your eyes to see

the Holy Inconvenience

Leading you to lay an extra place at the table,

Nudging you to heat up enough leftovers for the angels..."

(Joshua Luke Smith*)

It has been said that it’s not what we say or do but how we make people feel that matters and is remembered. This is true. Emotional connection, thoughtful gestures, and selfless generosity all send a message that a guest is appreciated, and we feel honored to serve them.

Unreasonable hospitality is a mentality. It is a lifestyle. It is a way of life. By opening up our homes and hearts, we bring joy to others, which inevitably brings joy back to us. As we say, the way to be happy is to make others happy.

Ben Friesen, Oct 2025

*Unreasonable Hospitality – Will Guidara, 2022 – Optimism Press.

*A Blessing - Joshua Luke Smith, 2024.

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