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Mindful Self-Curiosity

The term mindfulness carries connotations of eastern religions, yoga, and meditation. For this reason, I hesitate to use a term like this in a Christian context, fearing that readers may get sidetracked and miss the point. And the point is, we all would benefit from being more mindful. I also want to introduce a sister concept that I will call self-curiosity. These two concepts go hand in hand.


Mindfulness is the practice of maintaining a state of heightened or complete awareness of one's thoughts, emotions, or experiences on a moment-to-moment basis. That is the basic definition from Merriam-Webster. Another definition is the awareness of one's internal state and surroundings. As we become mindful, that is, more open and aware of our internal state at any given moment, we may find solutions to problems that often cause angst, anxiety, and alienation. Let me explain.


It’s evening and I arrive home from work. I did not have a good day. One, I had a cold. Two, I forgot my lunch. And three, my boss decided it was high time I received a good chewing out. I am home but my dark mood matches the winter overcast. I come inside and grunt a hello to the family. Something is said and my response is short and curt—I sound irritated. The family draws back and retreats to safety. Dad is home but he is upset, it must be something we’ve done.


This is the proverbial picture of the angry dad coming home, taking it out on mother who takes it out on the child who then goes and kicks the cat. But the anger has nothing to do with mom, the child, or the cat.


This is where mindfulness comes in. Mindfulness means that we stop and take a second to think about what is going on at the moment. We recognize our emotion for what it is: less than optimal. We recognize that our responses sound irritated, curt, and short. Mindfulness should then lead to self-curiosity. Why am I feeling this way? Where do these thoughts and emotions come from? This self-curiosity can then lead to insight, or understanding of the root problem, or what is going on under the surface. This in turn can then provide a way through.


Sometimes the way through means simply talking about it to the family. I am sorry, I had a bad day at work, this is what happened, but I'm going to leave it there. Often this is enough to relieve the tension. The mood lifts, the family understands and forgives, and we move on.


Here's another example. A peer of mine goes out and buys a new truck. Outwardly I appear happy for him and enthused for his new truck. But I can't ignore the fact that I'm in a bit of a turmoil, perhaps a little angry, unsettled, turbulent. Mindfulness recognizes all of these emotions and self-curiosity leads me to ask questions that demand an honest answer. What would be the reason for me not being happy for him? Perhaps it comes down to the evil twins of jealousy or envy. Perhaps we feel a competitive spirit and realize that we will not get a new truck anytime soon. Maybe there's a certain discontent or fear that we will never attain or be able to buy something of that nature. Perhaps we are afraid that we are less than competent or effective in our work or employment because we are unable to do the same. Whatever the case may be, once we recognize these feelings and emotions, and admit that they are of negative value, we can then seek to obtain a healthier more positive mindset.


Mindfulness can be unsettling and disconcerting. It can lead to awareness that where we are at in life right now may not be a good place. We may be living away from God, we may be living in sin, we may be pursuing a lifestyle that we know is not of a healthy nature. Being authentically mindful means being open to our faults, failures, weaknesses, baggage, and the fact that we are creatures as prone to sin as the sparks fly upward. Becoming mindful of the fact that we are estranged from the Divine can be very unsettling. Indeed, it can be terrifying.


Most humans are curious about everything except themselves. Curiosity about why we feel the way we do, or why we're experiencing the emotions we are experiencing, can be unsettling, as noted. It can lead us to uncomfortable places that demand honesty and vulnerability. As alluded to above, why did I just get angry? Where did that anger come from? Turns out that anger is often a result of fear, insecurity, or grief. Well, where did the fear, insecurity, or grief come from? Mindfulness leads to self-curiosity which then can lead to finding answers to these questions and ultimately finding freedom.


Speaking of insecurities. We all have them. We may admit to them, but it can be difficult to actually face them.  Our insecurities become most apparent when we feel threatened. And we feel threatened by many things: someone better off than us, more athletic, more talented, better looking, more talkative, more humorous, or simply more everything. Our insecurity then leads us to compensate in ways such as dress, things we purchase, telling the bigger tale, or trying to outdo, talk down, or degrade. Our insecurities can lead to destructive habits, mindsets, and moods. Becoming mindful helps us recognize these thoughts, emotions, and actions for what they are. Self-curiosity then prompts us to ask the important question of why and where this comes from. We may not always immediately understand where our insecurities come from but ultimately that journey should lead us to God wherein the only true security is found. We will not find true security—and ultimately the joy that authentic security brings—in better looks, more money, or more possessions. Joy comes when self-curiosity leads us to contentment. Joy comes when we have nothing to defend; that is, nothing to prove, at rest with who we are, at peace with God and man.  


Anyone can become mindful. Anyone can become self-curious. But sometimes it takes help to find answers. I find myself discussing my emotions and responses with my wife or friends, at times, and they often provide valuable insight. Maybe this is why you feel or react the way you do. Maybe this is where that emotion comes from. This leads to insight which leads to tools to redirect my thoughts and moderate my actions. Overall, these are valuable tools to navigate life. Become curious, accept where that leads you, and be willing to make the necessary changes.

 

Ben Friesen


(Readers ask me if they can forward these articles. The answer is yes, you are free to comment, criticize, subscribe, and forward).

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2 Comments


Guest
Jan 18

curiosity often leads to truth. thankyou for this read!

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Guest
Jan 18

That was really good ........ and true

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